As I mentioned in my last blog post, I’m a little laid up with a seized up low back.
You have to understand. I am not the one who does pain. I take care of the ones who do pain. I don’t get sick, and I do not live with pain. If something hurts, I google it, I ask my friend Heather who is a chiropractor, I find the fix, and fix it. If my hormones are wack, I google it, I ask my friend Heather who is a chiropractor, I find the fix, and I fix it. I take supplements, I exercise, I eat right. I take care of myself. And I’ve always been very proud of the fact that: I. Do. Not. Do. Pain.
And, because I’m never in pain, and I’ve never had to live with pain, I’ve somehow always just attributed that to my healthy lifestyle.
Today I changed my status on facebook to read, “You know the stories of people who are in incredible pain, and living with long term illness, and yet they rise above it, keep their humor, and always inspire those around them? You go to minister to them, and they end up ministering to you? I’m suddenly aware that I may not be one of those people.”
A couple of dear friends who I adore, even more today than ever because they think I’m funny, commented how funny I am. But the truth is, I really reallly truly meant it. I am afraid that I could never be one of those gracious wonderful people who bring out the best in others even when they are sick or in pain.
I can prove it.
This morning, trying to figure out how to get to the chiropractor, I saw that Abbie was on facebook so I called her. She didn’t answer, I left a message. She didn’t call me back. So I texted her that I might need her help today getting to the doctor. She didn’t text me back. Now I’m not just in severe pain, I’m annoyed. I call her again and she finally answers. I make my request, thinking how convenient it is that of all days, Abbie had arranged to take today off work, because she was going to the midnight showing of Eclipse. So I knew she was available to help me. Me, her loving and sacrificial mother, who gave her LIFE for God’s sakes!
Let’s not make matters worse and go making Abbie look like the villain here…because clearly that would be me, but let’s just say that Abbie’s response to me was less than enthusiastic. I think she said something like, “well, I don’t really want to, but what choice do I have?”. To which I said something like, “nevermind. I’ll drive myself” and then I’m pretty sure I hung up on her. Thinking, thinking, yep. I hung up.
She called me back, and I didn’t answer. I’ll show her! Ha.
Texting conversation ensued:
Abbie: I can feakin take you-it’s totally ok. I’m sorry ur in pain, and I’m sorry for not being enthusiastic–what time do I need to come get you?
Me: You don’t need to.
Abbie: What time CAN I come get u?
Me: Honey, the thing is that I’m not used to being in pain or having to ask for help. So to have the only person I feel I can ask be so put out just makes it worse.
Abbie: Mom, I’m not put out-my phone has just been ringing off the hook. It’s not you. What time should I come?
~9 minutes later~
Abbie: I’m sorry this is not easy for you but I am more than willing to come get u.
Me: Honey please just drop it. I will drive
Abbie: Pllleeeaaasseee, I seriously want to!
~6 minutes later when I realized there was no way I could drive myself~
Me: Then come @11:45.
Abbie: Ok 🙂
And then I realized what a horrible, selfish pain in the youknowwhat I am. And I’m pretty sure Abbie did not feel inspired or ministered to by taking me to the chiropractor.
And I never even asked her how the movie was.