This has been quite a week.
I have not slept more than 4 or 5 hours in at least a couple weeks, except Sunday night when I took Valerian root, which knocked me out AND gave me a migraine headache. Not to be outwitted, I took it two more nights, but neither night benefited sleep past 3:30 a.m., AND I had a migraine again.
Sometime in the last week or two I mentioned that I had a lot on my mind, but could not talk about some of what was keeping me awake, “so please don’t ask”, but now, at this time, I can talk openly (to an extent) about what is keeping me awake at night.
(First, let me say that my sister, Cheryl has come through her surgery beautifully, has been given the go ahead to drive a little bit, and will try working a little bit next week. So, yay, big YAY! Check that one off my keep me awake at night list! And Sweet Maggie went back to the vet today. He took one look at her and said, “Tuesday morning, we need to biopsy this, and see if we can rule out some complicated stuff, but my bet is still on Lupus.” I have no idea what this will entail in time or money, but we will weigh all of our options before making any decisions. The timing couldn’t be better because the part I couldn’t talk about before, that I can talk about now will certainly have an effect on how much we are able to treat our little dog.)
Yesterday afternoon I accepted a new job at a non-profit organization in Bellingham. I was not looking for a job, but a job came along, and Rick encouraged me to throw my name in the hat for it. I was initially reluctant, since I have been so good at living in denial these past several months and still could not quite grasp the enormity of the changes about to take place where I work now. I have a job that I enjoy, with people who have become my friends, with bosses who have my utmost respect and admiration. It has been a very long time since I have ‘loved my job’, a phrase I say with full understanding that the word love is used much too flippantly, and should be reserved only for the people in our lives (and pets, wink) and not things or status or money. So, when I say I love my job, I just mean that I love the people I work for, the people who work for me, and the people we all work with and the people we all serve. I would not have chosen to leave this job for any other job, no matter the pay, which again, I do not say flippantly, because I wouldn’t have even considered investigating a job lead, therefore would not have been tempted away by more income. But this medical practice I work for is being bought by a much larger company, and all the things that make it the best place to work, I fear, will change. To top it off, many of the administrative jobs, like the billing jobs will eventually be transferred down to Vancouver Washington, so at some point within the next couple years, my job will go away.
I have lived with much angst about this since August when the merger was first announced, not sure what I would do. We’d been told our jobs could be safe for up to three years, and if that were true, I thought I might just ride this wave until that time and then do something completely different. The problem is that there have been so many differing stories about when these jobs will move south that I’ve shuddered to think Rick and I might take yet another financial hit in the near future. So, two weeks ago I was interviewed for a position much like the one I have now. One that allows me to lead and to continue to grow in my leadership, one that will allow me to work with people who have a passion to serve the under-privileged, and one that also will boost my income significantly.
So, yesterday, with a thankful heart that God is directing and protecting and guiding and providing for our family, and with a broken heart because it means leaving a job I am good at and a job I enjoy, working with people I have grown to love and admire, I gave my bosses my two week notice, which given the tasks before them and my department seems grossly inadequate.
On the one hand I am thankful and looking forward to my new challenge and the people I will meet and undoubtedly grow to respect and admire, the new friendships I will make. On the other hand, I am so, so sad to leave this place where I was so pleasantly surprised to find a CEO and CFO who have integrity and care for their people and who could show me that there are indeed good and kind people in places of authority.
The women who work for me have become like family to me, sisters, daughters, friends to me, and I find I have a lump in my throat throughout my days this week.
And so it is with so many things in life, that we mingle the good things with the hard things. The happy things with the sad, they jumble all up over each other, entangled in our hearts and minds, bringing tears and then laughter, and then tears again, all in the same moments.
My next two weeks will be spent in many meetings, helping to facilitate this merger with regard to my department, and making sure ‘my girls’ have everything they need to continue doing the wonderful job they do now. And two weeks from right now I hope we will all be out together somewhere having a meal and toasting each other and the other changes that inevitably will come.