I’ve been so wrapped up in knitting your shawl, so caught up in it’s softness and loveliness, enjoying seeing the pattern emerge, come so far from all those earlier mistakes where I had to rip back and mend, I got a little too comfortable, thinking I was ‘all that’ and could just sit down to a movie with Dad and pick up the needles and knit a few rows.
But see that little wad of yarn to the left? That’s only half of what I had to rip out two nights ago. 6 or 7 rows had to come back off the needles before I could figure out what I’d done wrong and where I could find my place in the pattern again.
I hate when I keep making the same mistakes over and over. Hate when I get so smug and full of myself and stop being careful. The pattern’s the same, and I don’t mean the knitting pattern, I mean me, and my relationship to it. I think you can see the analogy here, but in case you don’t,
…as much as I’d like to say you’ll learn from your mistakes, that you and Joey might fight over one thing once, figure it out, and then never have to deal with it again…the truth is, you’ll find that there is a pattern, a habitual, needling, infuriating peeve that you’ll both have with each other, and if you’re like the rest of humanity, (or at least like me) you’ll have the same fight several times over. And even in the middle of it, right at the moment you feel it happening, you’ll kick yourself and ask yourself ‘When!? When will we get past THIS one!? When will I learn and stop making THIS mistake!?’
Here’s the good news:
There’s still the beauty in between, and the obvious signs of commitment and love. I’m already so glad I took the time to rip out those 7 or 8 rows and then wait until this morning, when I had some quiet time to pick my needles back up and figure out where I was in the pattern and start up again, pick up where I left off. I haven’t caught back up to where I was, as evidenced by the little pile of yarn still waiting to be re-worked, but I know I will, and then I’ll move beyond it. Maybe if I write another Dear Abbie post, it won’t have to be about the mistakes I’ve made.
But it probably will.